...you've had a nice phone call with a friend... Them: "I know you're busy, I'll let you go" You, even if you're not busy: "It was great chatting, talk to you later!"

They're trying to politely end the conversation : )

Do *not* say "I'm not busy!" You can respond with something nice like "Was great catching up, talk to you later!"

A: "Pluto is the coolest planet" B: "Yeah!"

People might get really offended if you correct them about something, or otherwise tell them they're wrong :- / Harsh corrections hurt rapport, even if factually accurate. People value emotional connection over being right in casual interactions. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is just let people be wrong. Saying “actually…” or “well, technically…” comes across sounding pedantic or rude. If you really want to press it, try asking questions instead of correcting, like "I'm curious what led you to think..."

If the thing you said didn’t land for whatever reason, they will pretend they didn’t hear you to save you the embarrassment of having said something that didn’t land.

It's generally best to just not repeat myself unless somebody asks you to.

If somebody ends a chat with "talk to you soon" or "let's talk in a few weeks", they probably do *not* plan to talk to you soon or in a few weeks. Ending a chat with "talk to you soon" or "let's talk in a few weeks" is a useful way to end a conversation that leaves both people feeling good. In the case that someone *does* want to actually talk again soon, they will likely ask when a good time to meet next is, or put something on the calendar.

A: "I think you should go to In n Out when you're in SoCal!" B: "Cool I'll keep that on my radar!"

If you apply to a job or recommend an idea, and the manager tells you "thanks, we'll keep [you or it] on our radar", this is a rejection. On the flip side, if somebody applies to a job you're hiring for, or recommends an idea to you, replying "Thanks, we'll keep [you or it] on our radar" is a useful way to express rejection that leaves both people feeling good.

If somebody writes to you and includes "I hope you're well", they don't really want to hear how you're doing. If somebody includes "How are you doing?", they may be interested in hearing how you're doing, but not necessarily. Including "I hope you're well" in a message is a useful way to indicate you care about the person without distracting the conversation from your message.

When having drinks with somebody, as long as they drink their drink slowly so there's always plenty left in the cup, they are interested in continuing the conversation. If they order another drink when they finishing (or are close to finishing), they are interested in continuing the conversation. If they finish their drink and don't want another, they probably want to exit the conversation. Drinking slowly, or ordering an extra drink that you leave plenty of in your glass, is a useful way to show interest in continuing conversation.

"I've gotta call a friend back!"

When somebody says the reason for their departure from a meeting or conversation, one should not assume it is the real reason. Making a reason for one's departure is a useful way to leave while making both people feel good. Looking at one's phone or watch and saying "I've got to get going" is a useful stand-in for coming up with a reason; in this case, one shouldn't ask "oh where are you going?". That said, asking "what are you doing later/tomorrow?" is a useful way to begin to end a conversation.

Looking at one's phone or watch and saying "I've got to get going" is a useful stand-in for coming up with a reason; in this case, one shouldn't ask "oh where are you going?". That said, asking "what are you doing later/tomorrow?" is a useful way to begin to end a conversation.

A useful way to end small talk. Other options: "Oh hey I know you gotta run." "Don't want to keep you waiting." "Let's definitely catch up when we have more time" "It was so great seeing you" "I have to get going"

A super polite way to decline an invite to something that you don't really want to go to.

When someone asks “Do you want to do X?” like do the dishes, go for groceries with them, do whatever, it’s not actually a question. It’s a command in disguise.

When you’re visiting someone and they say “It’s getting late” or they start cleaning up from the table, they are trying to get you to leave

'A guy invited me to watch a movie. I ended up running away or having an awkward conversation because he started getting under my clothes before the movie even started, or he didn’t even have anything to watch the movie on. I’m saying these or’s because it happened more than once, with different guys. Took me some time to learn that a guy inviting a girl to watch a movie at his place is just a “do you want to have sex” question.'

'One time, I was walking to high school and a girl pulled over to offer me a ride. I said, "No thanks, I like to walk." She looked mad and drove away. About ten years later, I recalled that moment and realized she was trying to befriend me.' 'One time, a girl asked me if I wanted a ride and I said, "No thanks. I like to walk." Literally a decade later, I realized she was trying to be my friend.'

'I just got explained, that when my colleagues come to me to tell me that they are taking a break and getting coffee, that they probably mean that I should join them. I never would have guessed that.' 'At uni I once missed a party. A friend told me they were having a house party at there's- told me the date and time and everything. But they didn't say 'would you like to come'. So I thought they were just telling me they were having a party - I didn't realise they were actually inviting me! Cue the next Monday and they asked why I hadn't turned up. I'd honestly had no idea I'd been invited. On the flip side when old coworkers say "we need to get together for coffee soon" I take that at face value rather than them just being polite and then annoy them by texting to arrange a coffee they never had any intention of meeting for. I still can't get my head around why people say "let's meet for coffee soon" if they don't actually mean it! I think it helps to think of it like if they werent inviting you, they wouldnt talk about it in front of you, if that makes sense.' 'I am regularly and consistently confused when I say something along the lines of, "oh, we need to take the trash out" or "looks like it's time to do dishes" and my partner heavy sighs and starts doing the task. Only recently did I realize she had been assuming my statements were a "polite" indirect way of saying I wanted her to handle said task, but in reality I meant literally only what I said every single time. Something needs done, one of us should do it sometime soon. No subtext. This realization inadvertantly made me realize there has probably been tons of situations in which people, including my partner, have said something that, to me, sounded like a neutral statement but, to them, was a "polite" indirect command. And I just obliviously went about my day each and every time.'

'A friend told me that if someone says your food looks good, they want a bite of it. I had never thought of that, and am usually just like "it is!" and then I keep eating.'

'I met someone to become friends on social media and went to her dorm. At one point she said “don’t you have to wake up for classes tomorrow?” And I just said “no I don’t have any tomorrow!” And carried on like she wasn’t politely asking me to leave. Realized she only had me over cause I had weed :/'

'An acquaintance is having a party. I choose to go so they won't think I hate them (separate problem there, but ANYWAY). They say the party starts at 8. I show up anxiously at 7:57 and lurk around outside until the clock strikes exactly 8. Then I ring the bell and the slightly unnerved party-haver has to hang out with only-me for 20 or 30 minutes while the normal people show up at the intuitively normal, casual time.'

'I didn’t realize until my 40’s that when asked “how are you?” as a salutation was not a genuine inquiry.'

'I thought “Netflix and chill” literally meant watch Netflix together. I was shocked when someone explained it to me.'

"Want to come over for dinner? Totally fine either way."

I really do want this, but I’m softening the ask so I don’t seem demanding.

I probably won’t be there, but I don’t want to say no directly.

A vague, non-committal way to decline something politely. A politeness strategy to reduce social pressure, even if pressure is still there.

I like you enough to say this, but I may not follow through — or don’t really intend to.

A way to express friendliness without committing to a specific plan. Red flag: If this keeps getting said but no date is suggested, it probably won’t happen.

I do want you to come, but I don’t want to seem needy or make you feel trapped.

Social function: Invitation + escape hatch for the invitee. “No pressure” doesn’t mean “don’t come.” It’s usually meant to make you feel comfortable, not discourage you.

Could be sincere, or a polite way of saying “I’m not coming and I probably wasn’t going to anyway.” without confrontation.

Avoids awkwardness around declining an invite. If they never suggest another time to meet, they may not want to. The literal message is: “I’m busy, not uninterested.” But socially, repeated vagueness is a common way people disengage

They’re brushing you off or buying time. May never get back.

Why it’s used: It keeps the door open without saying yes or no. If they don’t ask for a follow-up or give a timeline, it's probably a soft no.

This isn’t a priority and likely won’t be revisited.

To avoid alienating someone whose idea won’t move. Variant: “We're watching the landscape closely.”

We don’t plan to act on this, but don’t want to dismiss you.

To avoid hurting someone’s political capital while moving on. Used with: Advocates, local officials, or constituents.

We’re avoiding criticism of someone we don’t support here.

Avoiding public or private conflict, especially with intra-party disagreements.